Boy, how things have changed- my oldest is grown, she's now a mother- almost twice- she's due this March with her second daughter. Yep, that makes me a grandma- before 40- almost twice. People seem to think I'd be sad or upset by this, but I'm not. It rocks. I LOVE being a grandma- or Noni- as I refer to myself with my precious grandbaby. I don't know why anyone wouldn't relish grandparenthood- it's amazing, it's awe inspiring, it's really cool that you get all the perks of a little cherubic angel and very little of the sleepless nights- what's NOT to love about that?
My struggles with my oldest daughter grew and we fought and were at odds for a couple of years in fact- I went through the grief and strife and pain and confusions that come from kids growing up and doing stupid, thoughtless, crazy things you spent two decades training them not to do. The struggle is real- it also eventually settles- you navigate the emotional shift to the best of your ability- you weigh the cost of sticking to your idea of what you want your grown children to do, and then you try to make peace with what they actually do. It's a different role now- I'm no longer at the head of the table of my oldest daughters decision making, I can offer advice, I can answer questions- but ultimately, I'm relegated to the back of the bus decision wise. Now her and her spouse make decisions, and however baffled, annoyed, or frustrated I may be by them, it's my job to get out of their way and let them learn to live in the world. It's not an easy shift, especially if you're a type a parent who was just full of visions of all the great decisions you made for your kids lives, whether they had any say in it or not-lol. So in the nutshell, she grew up, she got married, she had a baby, and she's having another- in that order- and while I kicked and screamed and pleaded for her to JUST LISTEN to me- I fell in love with my beautiful granddaughter and realized, I WANT to be a part of this little angels life- and I don't want to alienate her or my daughter by constantly trying to control their lives. It's not all peaches and cream- but I've learned to not worry about anything I can't control, and it's given me a sense of freedom I couldn't have imagined- I'm free to not worry about THEIR life, I'm free to just enjoy being a grandmother, I'm free to put that energy in other areas of my life, because I've done my job with my oldest daughter, good, bad or ugly, the window is closed, I've raised her, I've put in for nearly two decades all I can- and while I'll always be a life time support system- she has her own wings now and can fly- if I stay out of her way and just let her navigate her life
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